totallytwo
GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER
1. Sag, You're it.
2. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket.
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Doc Goose.
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Hide and go pee.
9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta.
10. Musical recliners.
totallytwo
Card Coverup
A man entered a stationery store and asked the clerk for a
birthday/anniversary card.
The clerk replied, "We have birthday cards and we have anniversary
cards. Why not take one of each?"
The man said, "You don't understand. I need a card that covers *both*
events! You see, we're celebrating the fifth anniversary of my wife's
thirty-fourth birthday..."
totallytwo
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours.
If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.
If it just sits in your living room,
messes up your stuff,
eats your food,
uses your telephone,
takes your money,
and never behaves as if you actually set it free in the first place,
you either married it or gave birth to it.
totallytwo
"Good Old Days"
Grandpa was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular. "When I was a kid, my mom could send me to the store, and I'd get a salami, two pints of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o' bread, a magazine, and some new blue jeans... all for a dollar!!"
Then Grandpa said sadly, "You can't DO that anymore..... they got those video cameras everywhere you look."
totallytwo
How do you feel?
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench
under a tree when one turns to the other and says . .
"Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby." "Really!? Like a new-born baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants !!
