The Bipolar-Manic Depression Ring

hi i have just been diagnised with hypomania bipolar 2. The mental health people straight away have said they want to keep me on 30mg of citlalapram and also give me mood stabilisers and anti psychotics. im terrified and just want to not have to take anything at all. i would be grateful if yo could give me any info you have on the condition!!

I am new to this website and would like some advise on how to handle living with Bipolar 2. I am constantly up and down, I feel so fab some days, planning things to do, then the depression returns and getting out of bed is a struggle and I sit at home doing nothing. my friends keep popping round to see me in the daytime, but sometimes I can't even face them and I shut the curtains and lock myself inside, and don't answer my phone. when I am high, I am the life and soul of the party and I feel so alive, but I know that it will end in the blackness returning. I have been off work for 5 months and I still cannot contemplate going back just yet, as I am not level. My partner is fantastic with me, but I know deep down that he doesn't know what to say/do sometimes. I wouls really love to hear that this is normal........... or what I can do to help myself. thanks.

I feel so deeply detached from everyone I love. I know I love them. I know they love me. But I just don't feel a connection at the moment. Sometimes I oscillate from intense love for them to intense irritation by them. My mother, who has been an amazingly tolerant of me and my former reckless behaviour (now I am a mother myself my behaviour manifests differently - goal directed etc), just gets on my nerves at times, for no reason. Just the way she talks, the fact that I am duty bound to spend time with her when she irritates me. Yet I love her so deeply and I can see that she has put up with so much and is such a giving and selfless creature. This turmoil!! My boss is a decent and likeable man, but before I went off sick I often felt like punching his face in because I didn't like the sound of his breathing whilst cramped in our tiny office. I hear the air go in and out of his nostrils and I am acutely aware of his internal organs being fed by his blood network, his shirt sits open by a few millimetres at his belly and I can see a small amount of sparsely haired flesh and I feel sick. I HATE that I have this lucidity!! Since I have been away from work, I have imagined going back there. I try to get perspective, this is not the 'me' show, I am just a tiny pawn in the game. But I can't believe it, even though I know that the thoughts I hold on to are irrational and at times lunacy. Nobody at work is spying on me at home to make sure I'm not enjoying my time off. They are not plotting my downfall , they are not disbelieving that there is anything wrong with me. But maybe they do disbelieve me, so maybe I am imagining everything that is wrong and i am off work sick for no reason and they are right and I am wrong!!! This is torture, does anyone else live this way? I am almost 40yrs old, awaiting diagnosis and very tired of being screwed up for well over 20 years. So tired. So lonely (despite a loving [but oblivious] husband) and so detached. I'm desperate to be understood or for someone to even comprehend how shattered I am from battling these moods.

Yesterday went much better than I had anticipated. I was terrified to step foot back into a place where my last visit was so horrible. But, I went. And the receptionist was in a much better mood this time. I got to see my old therapist, who happens to be pregnant! I had a dream several months ago that she had a baby, so it was almost like I expecte...

Courage is not a feeling, but an action despite feelings.

Approximately one year of relative stability has passed, can I stop questioning it now? Can I stop waiting for the earth to fall out from under my feet? Is it time to stop holding my breath, waiting to be yanked up into mania? After a lifetime of instability, including over a year of treatment-resistant depression , I don't know how to accept this...

Accepting stability

"But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of ...

May I Exchange Species, Please?

I've had a sick baby, so there has been even less time than usual to make updates on here. My moods are still all over the place. I've got an appointment to see a therapist on Wednesday. I had a fairly bad-but thankfully brief!-panic attack while trying to cook supper tonight. The baby was crying, I was hungry, and I was close to completely breakin...

An Update! How Exciting!

A Site about Bipolar Disorder, about my personal battle with this condition. A blog that invites comments and others to contribute articles to help others cope with having this condition and other mental illnesses.

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My name is Dan, I am 35 yrs old and I have been recently diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and I have found it difficult to accept. I am keeping a blog where I can basically dump my thought and feelings and experiences of how I am coming to terms with the condition and how it is affecting my life.WARNING: Officially Mental!Please feel free to read and hopefully it will help someone sometimehttp://dynasticmorph.wordpress.com

So many people wonder if they can have "normal" lives with bipolar disorder. Often times we perceive our diagnosis as a death sentence, the death of our dreams. An amazing woman commented on my blog, and I'd like you to go over to her website for a bit of hope. The blog is Bipolar and Pregnant , and she has great resources and links to research, a...

It's possible

The loud crashing sound came from the bedroom. My first thought was that the cat had knocked over one of Greg's Emerson glass vases, and I went in fully expecting a big glass mess. But I was wrong. There on the floor, upside down, was my mother's jewelry box. Everything was scattered all over the floor. Then I saw what was left of my mother's litt...

Shattered

I came to the realization today that I really need to get back in therapy. My moods are all over the place. I am internally out of control, and it's getting harder by the second to maintain the external portrayal that I'm fine. I am trying to gain enough courage to make another appointment at the place I went before, but the memory of that mean bit...

Slipping

Hey I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder 4 months ago and I'm on lithium. It's been hard and no I'm not sure of my Doc is telling me the truth about the medication. don't know if I'm taking schizophrenia medication or bipolar medication. does anyone know how to make the difference between them ?

Amanda McCarthy, a writer for SeniorCare.net, contacted me with this great article she wrote: 6 Highly Entertaining Activities That Aid In Memory Retention . No matter what age we are, I think it's very important for those of us with a mental illness to do what we can to keep our brains active. I encourage your to check out these tips. &nbs...

Brain exercising

I came across the following article and thought I would pass it along. I'm not a regular watcher of television, and I had never heard of this show, but now I am intrigued. I was going to watch the free episode online, but as luck would have it, my internet is running slow today so it won't play through. I think we have Showtime, so I will keep my e...

Showtime for Bipolar Disorder