Harry Potter and The Tight-Ass Orgy
Chapter 1: Whirling Dursleys
Harry was finally 18, as was every single person he knew. Some of his sexier acquaintances were barely 18, but still 18 nonetheless. Compliant with Muggle and Magical law, everyone now wore ID badges that read "Yes, I am at least 18." These badges were prominently displayed above or near some sexy-ass titties. Some even showed nip.
Harry awoke in the Dursley's empty home, number 4 Privet Drive. He had long since murdered all three of them, as he was tired of fucking around for several chapters before anything interesting happened. He sat up in bed, thought of Hermione, had his first j/o session of the day, and then ate some breakfast.
Today he was to return to Hogwarts Magical School of Wizardry, Witchcraft, and Sexual Exploration. His bag was already packed, meaning he needed to drain his ball sack again, so he had another epic j/o session. Wasting no time, other than those initial two j/o sessions, he grabbed his packed bag (meaning his luggage), and headed out the door. Magic was not involved, although it easily could have been.
Chapter 2: Hogwarts Sexpress
Hogwarts Express was alive with chatter of summery things.
"What did you do this summer?" a soon-to-be-wizard would ask.
"Oh, you know," a different soon-to-be-wizard would reply. "Thought of blow-jays and Quidditch or some other bullshit." This continued for some time as they all ate candy and tried to hide their boners and wetties, depending on their gender.
The rest of the train ride was spent on foreshadowing.
Chapter 3: Everyone Comes (To Hogwarts)
Arriving at Hogwarts was thrilling, but only in the manner in which it always is.
Chapter 4: Professor? I Hardly Know Her!
Dumbledore stood at the front of the Great Hall as students and teachers feasted upon Gribblepots and Boobystimps. The Headmaster looked quite aged, but still up for pretty much anything as long as there was no cuddling afterward.
"Thank you all for enduring that excruciating Sorting Hat Ceremony," he whispered. "Let us all please try to wake up for the introduction of your new Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher, Professor Bonebubble." He gestured to his right where a tall leggy blonde stood. Her tits were like ba-dang, her ass was like ka-pow, and Harry bet her pussy tasted like sweet butterbeer.
Professor Bonebubble walked to the podium as all eyes ogled her, even the girls' eyes. Not all the girls, of course, as Hermione got instantly jealous. So jealous, in fact, that she reached down and placed both of her hands on a cock, one belonging to Harry and the other belonging to Ron. One was significantly larger than the other, but she would never reveal which until the following year's Truth Or Dare Magstravaganza.
"Greetings, students," cooed Bonebubble. "I look forward to enlightening you all in the ways of curses, boogerboos, cunderclits, and other such magical nonsense." She pushed her breasts together as if to say, "Mmmm-hmmmm... yeah..." The hall let out a collective moan, except for Hermione, who just squeezed Ron and Harry's dicks harder.
"Mine!" Hermione snapped.
"I hope we have a great time getting to know each other," Bonebubble continued. "Although I understand that I will probably be dead or fired by the end of the year."
The hall let out a collective groan, except for Hermione, who let go of the two dicks and huffed off in a puff. Dumbledore stood once more.
"And now if the younger students could leave so we can begin the Porking Hat Ceremony," Dumbledore whispered. "That would be fucking great."
Read more: The Silliest Harry Potter F**k Fiction Ever (NSFW) Cracked.com
http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-silliest-harry-potter-fk-fiction-ever-nsfw/#ixzz1rwc2KcEE
