totallytwo
Tell Mommy
Two-year-old Jack scared his relatives this past summer by disappearing during their lakeside vacation.
More than a dozen relatives searched the forest and shoreline.
Everyone was relieved when they found Jack playing calmly in the woods.
"Listen to me!" his mother said sharply. "From now on when you want to go someplace, you tell Mommy first, okay?"
Jack thought about that for a moment and said, "Okay, Disney World."
totallytwo
Talking Clock
While proudly showing off his new fraternity house to his
girlfriend, a college student led the way into the den.
"What's the big brass gong and hammer for?" she asked.
"That's the talking clock," he replied, with a grin. "Let me
show you how it works!" He gave the gong an ear-shattering
pound with the hammer.
Suddenly, a voice screamed from the other side of the wall,
"Knock it off, buddy, it's 2 o'clock in the morning!"
totallytwo
The Difference
Mort was removing the valves from his tractor engine when he noticed a
famous heart surgeon. "Look at this
work, Doc," Mort said. "I take out the valves and grind 'em and put them
back along with a few new parts. When I'm
finished, this baby will be purring like a kitten. So how come you get
the big bucks when you and I are are basically
doing the same work?"
The doctor answered, " Try doing your work with the engine running."
totallytwo
The Bridge!
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, Huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
totallytwo
The Suit
My three-year-old daughter and I went shopping with my mother.
A rather large woman, Mom sometimes has a tough time finding just
the right fit. When my mother picked out a yellow suit, my daughter
went into the dressing room with her. A moment later Mom asked her
how she liked the outfit.
My daughter replied, "Oh, Nana, you look so pretty---just like a big
yellow school bus."
Needless to say, the yellow suit stayed in the dressing room.
