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"Flight Advice"

On a recent flight, an elderly passenger kept peering out the window. Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the blinking wing-tip light. Finally, she rang for the flight attendant.
"I'm sorry to bother you," she said, "but I think you should inform the pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time."

Man of God

A passenger jet was suffering through a severe thunderstorm. As the
passengers were being bounced around by the turbulence a young woman turned
to a minister sitting next to her and with a nervous laugh asks, "Reverend,
you're a man of God, can't you do something about this storm?"

To which he replies, "Lady, I'm in sales, not management."

"Flight Fear"

Our co-worker kept trying to get her mother to fly out for a visit. "No way am I getting on an airplane," was the inevitable answer.
"Look, Mom, when it's your time to go, it doesn't matter if you're on the ground or in the air."

"I know," said her mother. "I just don't want to be that far off the ground when it's the pilot's time to go."

Small Town USA

Traveling through New England, a motorist stopped for gas in a tiny village. "What's this place called?" he asked the station attendant.

"All depends," the native drawled. "Do you mean by them that has to live in this dad-blamed, moth-eaten, dust-covered dump, or by them that's merely enjoying its quaint and picturesque rustic charms for a short spell."

Speeding Hymns

If you MUST speed on the highway, sing these hymns loudly:

at 45 mph.... "God Will Take Care of Me"

at 55 mph.... "Guide me, O Great Jehovah"

at 65 mph.... "Nearer My God to Thee"

at 75 mph.... "Nearer Still Nearer"

at 85 mph.... "This World is Not My Home"

at 95 mph.... "Lord, I'm Coming Home"

at 100 mph.... "Precious Memories"

Immigrations Card

Some years ago an Englishman on a plane to Australia was handed one of these immigration / visitation cards to fill out.

After the standard questions, like name, nationality, passport number, etc., he got to a question that asked, "Have you ever been imprisoned?"

He pondered it for a minute, then wrote down, "I didn't realize this was still a requirement."

Magna Carta

A tour bus load full of noisy tourists arrives at Runnymede, England.

They gather around the guide who says, "This is the spot where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta."

A man pushing his way to the front of the crowd asks, "When did that happen?"

"1215," answers the guide.

The man looks at his watch and says, "Shoot! Just missed it by a half hour!"

A Trip To The Grand Canyon

A man and his clone were walking along the rim of the Grand Canyon.

The man and his clone were identical except for one thing... the clone loved to use dirty language.

The man didn't want to listen to his clone ranting all day, everyday, using that kind of filthy language, so he pushed his clone over the rim of the steep canyon.

That resulted in the first obscene clone-fall.

Liquid Force, HyperLite, Jobe, O'Brien, Nash, CWB... All the well recognized brand of wakeboard. All the newest model in 2002, even 2003.
All you can find, also purchase, here!

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